Coming Clean

There’s a very special anniversary coming up for me next week celebrating an event that I’ve never told anyone about, other than my spouse. In the three years since this event occurred, I’ve been led toward a path that’s pushing me to be open and honest about it. I hope that you, my friends and family, can please put aside any of your own pre-conceived beliefs and just accept that in spite of how preposterous some of this might sound, that it all is very much a true account of events from my perspective.

You all know that I have been a very open agnostic atheist for most of my adult life. That choice came as the result of being raised in a Christian religion whose teachings I felt were immoral and contradictory to the nature of what I felt a loving God should be combined with a notion that there should at least be some scientific proof that this God exists. As an atheist, my frequent response to believers who would question my stance was that if an all powerful God exists and that it wants me to believe in him/her, then he/she will prove it to me. Of course, when I said that, it was always tongue in cheek and I never, ever expected that it would actually happen.

In 2016, when I became sober from addiction to prescription opiates and benzodiazepines, I made a decision to replace my dozen or so medications that were treating CPTSD, agoraphobia and Major Depressive Disorder with cannabis. Even though that decision has likely saved my life from both suicide and overdose, I was still experiencing some breakthrough symptoms that I truly wanted to quash.

In early 2017, I learned that psilocybin mushrooms were being used experimentally for the treatment of depression and PTSD with remarkable results. Since plant medicine was working so well for me at the time, I decided to give this a try as well. So in Spring 2017, I took my first dosage of psilocybin (3.5 grams) and the results were, in fact, remarkable. The CPTSD and agoraphobia became manageable to the point that I could go out in public again but even more miraculously, the depression that I had suffered from since age 11 was gone. Completely. Done. Thirty years of suffering had been completely relieved in the span of 6 hours.

The treatment was so effective for depression, that I decided to repeat the treatment every couple of months to see if I could get the CPTSD and agoraphobia to go into remission as well. On May 26th 2018, I was preparing to take my fifth treatment when I received some extremely upsetting news that seemed to pull me back into a state of depression and utter hopelessness. I decided to go ahead and take my treatment that night instead of waiting for the planned date.

The experience that night was nothing like the previous experiences. Around 3 hours post-ingestion, when I was in the throes of an emotional breakdown, I felt a pop at the base of my spine followed by a warm, swirling sensation that ran up my back and out of the top of my head at which point my “soul"/consciousness left my body. I was able to see everything that was happening in the room, but from the perspective of floating on the ceiling and looking down at my own body. At some point I started seeing this beautiful bright, golden light that completely filled me with a feeling of utter bliss. The thought entered my head… “this is the source” and I knew that I was in the presence of God.

That was the last time I used psilocybin. My depression is still in remission and the other issues are manageable but I had come out of the most significant experience of my life with many more questions than answers. What happened to me? Has that ever happened to anyone else? Is there a name for it? How do I even Google something that I have no language for?

This is where things get weird

The next year or so, I sidetracked a lot of these questions and made a pretty good attempt to try to forget about what happened and just focus on my mental health. I started to utilize simple mindfulness and breathing techniques to help manage the other issues and simply tried to live life. My husband, who had always been fascinated by UFOs, started sharing those interests with me and I soon became fascinated as well. He and I used to take these little local road trips through the countryside and I began finding myself looking up more frequently, just in case.

In November 2019, we were taking one of these little road trips and on the way home somewhere around Bardstown, I saw three different colored lights in the sky that seemed to just hover in one spot for a weirdly long time. At first I assumed it was a cell tower or something, but just kept my eyes on it. Suddenly it started moving from the right side of the road to just above the road and coming toward us. As it got closer, I could begin to see that it was a boomerang shaped craft, extremely black, and flying pretty low. It soon got to the point that it was almost directly above us and I had to bend down and look up through the front windshield to see it. As it passed over us and got out of sight, I raised up to look out the passenger side window assuming it would be directly behind us. However it had almost instantly reappeared to the right of the road, several miles away. That meant that this thing had traveled miles in the amount of time it took me to sit up straight and turn my head (two or three seconds).

All I could do for the next week is just sit and think about the reality of what I witnessed that night and how, if this was some sort of alien, what that meant in context with the very spiritual experience I’d had the year before.

The next few weeks, I began to give more focus on making sense of that spiritual experience when I stumbled on the term Kundalini Awakening. More specifically, Spontaneous Kundalini Awakening. Everything I read about these events, led me to understand that this is exactly what happened to me in May 2018. If you want to know more about this, here’s a quick overview from someone who has become an extremely valuable teacher in my life, Christina Lopes: https://youtu.be/WnP7V7uqgT0

By the time I came to this realization, we were heading into 2020, Scott just had half his foot amputated, and the world started changing. I don’t want to dwell too much on 2020 because I think we all recognize how significant that year was in every aspect of our lives, but spiritually speaking, the stress of that year seemed to fuel my desire to “make sense of it all".

This is where it gets even more weird

In August 2020, my stress level hit an all time peak when our two youngest boys were diagnosed with Covid. With Scott having multiple medical complications, a covid diagnosis at that time would’ve been considered basically a death sentence. The day we got tested, I was an emotional disaster. I slept very little that night, waking up around 1:15 am in a sheer panic. I decided to go out on my back porch and try to meditate using binaural beats. Even though it was Covid anxiety that initially woke me, I couldn’t get my mind off the spiritual/alien stuff and wondering if, and how, it was all connected.

Within minutes of putting my head phones on and focusing on my breath, I began to feel that same type of soul separation that I felt in May 2018 and the presence of another white light energy source, much different than the one before. This energy began “speaking" to me saying he was the Guardian and he was here to help answer my questions. I now understand that this was likely my guardian angel.

I asked him where I was and he explained it to me by saying that I was in sort of a hallway between spiritual realms and that if I wanted, my “soul"/consciousness could travel to a different dimension through this hallway. At this point a sort of doorway/portal appeared and the Guardian told me that this was the 4th dimension (or 4th density as it is called in some spiritual circles). He assured me that there was nothing to be frightened of and that if I wanted to go inside, I would just be on observer.

As soon as I made the decision to go inside, the doorway opened for me and I found myself standing inside some sort of alien craft. In front of me there was a type of hologram-like projector and sitting all around it were about a dozen alien-like beings that looked almost like what people call the Grey aliens except they were a blue/lavender color and their eyes weren’t quite as large. I now understand that these beings are sometimes referred to as Arcturians (not the ones from Star Trek).

There was an image being displayed on the hologram projector of Donald Trump surrounded by some of his acolytes at the time with buildings from Washington D.C. behind them. At the same time I’m viewing this hologram image, the word “masks" keeps coming up in my head. Now, I had no idea what, if anything, they were trying to show me but I suddenly became very upset thinking that they were somehow saying that Donald Trump was going to win re-election. I have no idea why I thought that, but I did get so upset that I was pulled out of the alien craft and placed back into the spiritual hallway with the Guardian.

The Guardian assured me that everything was going to be OK and that what I just experienced was not what I thought it was. I started asking how all of this was possible and how it could all seem so real, even though I was still half convinced that I was hallucinating all of this. At this point I received what is sometimes referred to as a “download", which is when a novel or unfamiliar idea seems to just land in your head from nowhere. This download contained the information that everything I was experiencing was actually real and that it operated via the laws of quantum physics. Somehow just knowing that there was a possible scientific explanation for these events soothed all my anxiety and I began to feel better. At this point in time, another doorway/portal showed up.

The Guardian then explained that this was the doorway into the 5th dimension (or 5th density) and that this was the plane where all of the Deities and Ascended Masters reside. When the portal opened, I found myself standing in a land with tall mountains, gorgeous waterfalls and lush, green plants where everything seemed to be bathed in violet light. It was breathtakingly beautiful. I began to notice that were beings walking around everywhere, of all types. There seemed to be thousands of them stretched out as far I could see. Then in the crowd I see a blue, human-like being with four arms, long dark hair and a beautiful gold headpiece coming toward me. As the being gets closer, I realize that it isn’t actually blue at all, but that it’s skin is jet black instead. It walks right up to me and when it gets close, I ask for it’s name. It answers “Kali". At that point, I recognized that this being is probably a Hindu deity, which is a religion that I knew basically nothing about.

Kali sat with me and explained to me that she had chosen me long ago to wield her energy on Earth in order to bring awakening to 3rd dimensional humans and help them transition into 5th dimensional consciousness. She explained that all of the heartache, depression and trauma that I had suffered throughout my life was in preparation for this time, the Age of Aquarius, and the ascension that all humans will be going through in the coming years. I sat with her until I felt comforted and then soon broke out of the meditative state to find myself still sitting on the porch.

The Confirmation

When I broke meditation, I felt a great peace. I got up from my chair, stretched and thought to myself “it’s still very early, I can probably catch some sleep" because it felt as though I had been outside for about 45 minutes. I looked at my phone to discover that it was 4:59 am and that even though I had actually been meditating for approximately 3 hours (not 45 mins) the binaural beats had been playing for over 5 hours. That means I was somehow able to listen to 5 hours of music in a 3 hour time span that felt like 45 mins. Later that day when I looked up Kali on the Google machine, I discovered that her name has several different meanings,two of which are “She who is black" and “force of time".

A couple of weeks later, Scott and I were looking for something to watch when we discovered the documentary Close Encounters Of The Fifth Kind by Dr. Steven Greer. In this movie (which is a follow-up to the movie Unacknowledged) Dr. Greer explains how for 30-ish years, he has been using a set of protocols to make human initiated conscious contact with extraterrestrial beings through meditation.

On October 6th 2020, Scott and I were watching the news on MSNBC. Donald Trump had been diagnosed with Covid-19 on October 2nd and had returned to the White House from Walter Reed Hospital the evening of October 5th. During that afternoon newscast, MSNBC displayed a graphic with the pictures of everyone from the White House that had been diagnosed with Covid against the back drop of a picture of Washington D.C. I immediately recognized that this was the exact image shown to me by the alien beings two months prior through the hologram-like projector.

Along the way, as these events have occured, I have made every effort to make contemporaneous notes, both written and voice recorded. In the case of the October 6th event, I began recording a completely unrelated conversation between Scott and I when (about 2 minutes in) you can hear my reaction when I see the image. You can listen to that audio here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3UsiaTDCOdrpjrmGvqJtms?si=Rfzz-FXnSguC-b2luIPvpA&utm_source=copy-link. Please note that because of Scott’s bad memory (brain tumor) we frequently record our conversations with one another so that he can go back and listen.

What now?

Very good question. I know that this 3rd anniversary of my Kundalini awakening coincides with the Super Moon/Flower Moon/Blood Moon that will occur on May 26th and that the moon will be in Sagittarius at the time (which is my sign). I know that it may be possible for me to use this energy to discover the next step in my journey, but whatever that is, I’m unsure of at this time.

My hope in starting this blog is to document that journey and hopefully help others who are experiencing other types of “extraordinary weirdness". I only ask that if you choose to come along with me, that you remain open-minded with loving intentions and that you do not judge these experiences. I understand and welcome all respectful skepticism, but I won’t waste energy trying to convince anyone that these events are real. You either accept it or you don’t.